In a press conference yesterday afternoon, owner Terry Pegula along with General Manager Jason Botterill announced the new head coach of the Buffalo Sabres: Nostalgia.
After a long and exhaustive search for a new head coach, we went outside the box and hired the intangible concept of nostalgia, which is defined as “a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations”.
We hope that the warm, fuzzy feelings of the days of yore will ignite the team, excite the fans, and most importantly, fill the seats with paying butts.
Pegula added that as part of this effort to revitalize the team, or at least good memories of it, that the Sabres will partner with Tim Hortons Café and Bake Shop and sell an exclusive, limited run “Sabres Edition” of their “Timbits” bite-sized donuts, featuring real bits of Tim Horton in them.
Pegula has also commissioned the cloning of game announcer Rick Jeanneret, to ensure future nostalgia. When asked by the press about rumors of the team holding séances in an effort to begin talks with the ghost of Ted Darling, Pegula said “No comment”.