Putin Annexes Depew Just Before Historic Dissolution Vote

New Village Name, according to someone who doesn't understand Russian language or Cyrillc script...

On the eve of an historic vote in which citizens of Depew would decide whether to dissolve the Village, the point became moot as Russian Vladimir Putin ordered his military to invade and annex it.

Beginning just after midnight Tuesday, Russian military forces including tanks and fighter jets appeared in the village that is between Lancaster and Cheektowaga, rendering pointless the question of whether or not the people of Depew could save up to $1,050 in taxes by being absorbed by the neighboring towns.

New Village Name, according to someone who doesn’t understand Russian language or Cyrillic script…

Within minutes, the struggling-for-funding police and emergency services of the Village were overrun, and the sad little building that housed it’s government saw the Russian flag fly over it’s boxy little structure.

It’s the New Depew Revue, comin’ right at you!

In a brief statement, President Barack Obama said he would take immediate action in the form of additional sanctions and the deportation of wrestler Nikolai Volkoff.

Appearing on Fox News this morning, Donald Trump surrogate Chris Collins asked host Tucker Carlson if he knew whether or not Collins represented Depew in Congress:

You know Tucker, my district is gerrymandered so much, I don’t even know if that shithole makes a difference to me. I know the Lancaster Country Club isn’t too far away.  Anyhoo, I think anyone who has a problem with this decisive leadership action of Vladimir Putin is just a pouting spoiled child.  Frankly, it’s somewhat enjoyable to watch!

“Do I care? Nyet!”

President-Elect Donald Trump has only had once brief response to these events: a 4:00 am tweet:

TrRUMP TWEETED: "Depew: sad failing village that hurt the taxpaying people there! Time for some better management! Told u I'd make better deals with Russia!"

 

Michael Caputo, former local Trump adviser, was asked if this dramatic turn of events might negatively impact President Trump.  He merely smiled and said: “А дело бывало — и коза волка съедала. 

As for Putin himself, Russia Today reports he plans to swing by Depew this Friday before attending Trump’s inauguration…

 

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