The annual Presidential Turkey Pardon, which was to be held this Wednesday, was moved up morning in a hastily-put together ceremony in the Rose Garden this Monday morning in a move that baffled the press and Washington insiders.
Flanked by his daughters, President Barack Obama only granted a pardon to one turkey, instead of the usual two, further bucking the whimsical tradition.
The fowl in question, referred to as “Hilly” received a more elaborate pardon than what presidents have normally given the bird associated with Thanksgiving dinner. Said Obama:
Under the authority granted to me under Article II, Section 2 of the United States Constitution, I hereby grant a complete and full pardon to the turkey before me known as “Hilly” for any and all federal crimes it may be accused of that have occurred before this date. This includes, but is in no way limited to, the violation of laws such as Executive Order 13526 and 18 U.S.C Sec. 793(f) of the federal code regarding the mishandling of classified information, the violation of the 2009 Federal Records Act Section 1236.22 and the violation of the Freedom of Information Act.
The turkey was then rushed away in a Cadillac Escalade to an undisclosed location.
President-Elect Donald J. Trump has been on record saying that the automatic pardoning of Thanksgiving turkeys would cease, and that the fate of such turkeys would be determined on a case by case basis.
Speaking about the pardoning, Trump tweeted: