The same day that former Erie County Democratic chairman Steve Pigeon was to appear in Buffalo court to faces charges of corruption, the political operative was detained at the Russian border trying to gain entry.
Russia Today reports that at approximately 8:30 AM Thursday, June 30, 2016 (GMT+3) the Border Service of the Federal Security Service of the Russian Federation (or ограничная служба Федеральной службы безопасности Российской Федерации, for short) detained a giant pigeon attempting to cross the Russian border with Kazakhstan. That pigeon was identified as Steve Pigeon by experts at the renowned Russian Valentin Bianchi School of Ornithology.
When questioned by border patrol as to what he was doing there, Pigeon was quoted as saying “Chem men’she znaesh’, tem loocheh!”
Wednesday in Buffalo, freshly resigned State Supreme Court Justice John Michalek pleaded guilty to taking bribes and filing false instruments in a case involving Pigeon. Pigeon was scheduled to appear in Buffalo court this Thursday morning, when it was discovered that he was over 5,000 miles away.
State Attorney General Eric “The Amazing” Schneiderman told The Tommunist that his office has already been in contact with U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry regarding the extradition of Pigeon. Said Schneiderman:
While extraditing anyone from Russia these days is hard, Secretary Kerry told me nobody in Russia can stand this guy, and that they are begging us to take him back. They may even go so far as to throw in Edward Snowden to sweeten the deal.
My “Schneidy-sense” tells me this bird will be back in the US of A as soon as possible.
Meanwhile, Pigeon’s lawyer Bill Cambria (Paul Cambria’s brother who specializes in anthropomorphized animal characters) is already floating his defense of Pigeon.
Steve Pigeon is a pigeon in name only. He is actually a Common Tern. My client was merely caught up in his migratory cycle when found over 5,000 miles away. He will return to the nest here in Buffalo, where we will seek immediate dismissal of any and all charges against him. As a tern, he is protected under the Migratory Bird Treaty Act of 1918, which, as such, makes it unlawful without a waiver to pursue, hunt, take, capture, kill or sell birds listed therein. It’s the diplomatic immunity of the avian community, bitches!
Anytime someone in New York state wants to do something cool, the common tern has been cockblocking their plans.
The Tommunist made several attempts to find someone in the community to speak in defense of Pigeon for this article, but we’ve yet to hear back from anyone. We reached out to Kristy Mazurek, a Pigeon associate currently running for the State Senate seat held by scandal-ridden Angela Wozniak, who herself had won the race over Mazurek’s brother Mark in the race to replace scandal-ridden Dennis Gabryszak, who left under the cloud of sexual harassment, including allegations by his one-time communications director who is Kristy Mazurek. Jesus…The preceding run-on sentence just shows how god-awful local politics are…
Noted political bird-watcher Matt Ricchiazzi had written a magnificent opus in defense of Steve Pigeon on the website that serves as the virtual newspaper that would line a bird cage, The Buffalo Chronicle:
However, as of today, when one tries to visit the website, clickers will only receive this:
Hopefully, they’ll be up and running again soon on tumblr or something.
The Tommunist will keep abreast (and a wing) on the situation as it develops.