Turkish F-16s shot down Santa Claus’ sleigh along the Syrian border shortly after midnight Turkish time, sparking fury in the North Pole that threatened to destroy Christmas for the rest of the world still awaiting the arrival of Christmas and ole’ St. Nick’s present delivery to all the good little boys and girls of the world.
On Dec 25th, 12:05 am UTC-3 time (4:05 PM EST on Thursday in the US), Santa’s sleigh approached the border between Syria and Turkey. A Turkish defense spokesperson said Santa ignored ten warnings over five minutes as the Jolly Old Elf entered Turkey’s airspace for 17 seconds. A Turkish F-16 then fired on the sleigh. The missile hit the underbelly of the carriage, which was propelled by magic flying reindeer, many of which caught fire. The sleigh crashed in the Syrian mountains, as a Turkish news crew filmed its final moments. NORAD, who regularly tracks Santa, confirmed he went down.
Santa himself escaped injury as he exited the craft using his magic “parasol umbrella” allowing him to float to a rooftop in Reyhanli, s Turkish town near the border and host to thousands of Syrian refugees. However, he narrowly avoided enemy fire as nearby Syrian rebels attempted to shoot him down with ground based anti-aircraft fire.
North Pole Special Operations (“Elf Team Six”) launched a daring rescue mission of Santa shortly thereafter. Santa is currently receiving medical attention for minor injuries.
The fate of the reindeer are unknown, but all are presumed lost. Further, Santa’s bag of toys appeared to ignite as the sleigh streaked towards the ground, a flaming Christmas missile.
UPDATE** Santa’s ambassador to the United Nations, Buddy Elf issued a statement:
“Everyone here at the North Pole is shocked and saddened by this turn of events. Santa has long been established as a neutral party in world affairs, and has generally enjoyed the clearance to cross over into the airspace of most nations. It appears the tensions between Russia, Turkey and Syria have caused the simple act of delivering toys to be misperceived as a hostile act. And as such, Santa will not be able to complete this year’s run to the rest of the world as Christmas day spreads across the globe.”
“Son of a nut-cracker! Christmas is cancelled.”
Recently, the North Pole has looked into the feasibility of using unmanned drones to deliver Christmas toys in the future. It is unknown if this recent act will accelerate their research.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!