Kriner Cash Won’t Seek Receivership of South Park H.S. Due to Football Win

SuperNintendo Kriner Cash

Buffalo School Superintendent Kriner Cash announced he will advise State Education Commissioner MaryEllen Elia to remove South Park High School from consideration for receivership because of their recent state championship win in football.

In receivership, the superintendent would have expanded powers and responsibilities over the high school, which is designated as “persistently failing/struggling”.  These powers would circumvent the school board and teacher’s union.  Cash announced today that South Park need not worry:

“With South Park’s amazing first-ever state championship victory over Our Lady of Lourdes, we have seen that athletic prowess trumps everything else.  How can I make the school feel bad about being listed at 131 of 135 from the 2014 Buffalo Business First ranking of 135 high schools in Western New York?

Attendance, graduation rates and college enrollment rates pale in comparison to crushing your competition on the gridiron!

Wooooooooooooooooo! Go Sparks!

At press-time, The Tommunist could not confirm reports that Mayor Byron Brown would be announcing a parade in the city for the team.

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