God, the Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth, of all that is seen and unseen, announced late last evening that His attendance at Donald Trump’s 2005 wedding was not due to any payment.
God’s Name came up at last night’s debate, as candidates were asked if they received any word from The Holiest of Holies on what they should do and take care of first if elected president.
Ted Cruz used his answer to slam Trump, Hillary Clinton and God, by claiming that Trump used his money to buy influence with politicians such as Clinton and with deities such as the God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob.
Trump had revealed during the debate that his past contributions to Hillary Clinton “paid” for her attendance at his third wedding in 2005. Sources say that Jehovah was also in attendance.
Gabriel, the spokesangel for I Am Who Am, spoke to reporters shortly after the first GOP primetime debate:
Hark! For the Lord has said unto you that unlike Hillary Clinton, The King of Kings did not receive any contributions to the Holy Roman Catholic and Apostolic Church or any of His affiliated organizations as a means to curry His favor and pressure Him Who Sees All to attend the latest wedding of Donald Trump.
Hear the word that the Lord speaks to you, O press-corps! Yahweh states that He just happened to be “wintering” in Palm Beach, Florida during that January, and He usually stays at Trump’s 17-acre, 108 room Mar-a-Lago Club because it is a great place of shining opulence and high class, a slice of His Eternal Kingdom right on the earth, at a reasonable rate.
God of the Covenant ran into Hillary Clinton in the parking lot, and as her husband Bill was out sick with the gout, Hillary implored the Judge of all the Earth to be her date. The Merciful Righteous Rock of Israel relented.
Behold! The Mighty proceeded to the reception, where He congratulated Donald Trump on his third “holy” matrimony and presented the wedded couple with gifts of milk and honey.
After hitting the dance floor for several hours, the Alpha and Omega retired back to his suite, to continue His often-delayed work on the sequel to the Bible, coming soon from Pocketbooks.
The Archangel added:
The Father would normally smite some mortal such as Ted Cruz for his baseless insinuations, but since Cruz is to play a crucial role in the Second Coming of His Only Son, during the time of Armageddon, He doesn’t want to step on His kid’s toes…