Dolly Madison Hack Exposes 37 Million Diet Cheaters

"Eat me" says hackers

UPDATE: (8/19/2015) The database of Dolly Madison users has been posted online. reports Jared Fogle is one of the “diet cheaters” in the database dump.

Sinfully decadent snack food bakery Dolly Madison has been reportedly hacked, compromising their extensive user database of over 37 million eaters, potentially exposing dieters as “secret snackers”.

Tech Security website Krebs On Security is reporting so far that a hacker or team of hackers going  by the name of FoodNannyState69 perpetrated the attack.  The hacker group is threatening to expose the personal details and consumption rate of all of the Dolly Madison snacks these individuals eat, potentially bringing them shame and scorn if they are now known to be stuffing their faces full of Zingers, Fruit Pies , Coffee Cakes and Mini-Donuts. Possible embarrassed dieters, diabetics, and people with religious restrictions could number in the millions.



When asked how the Dolly Madison database could contain so much personal information, Apollo Global Management, the owners of the Dolly Madison brand, stated that they have an extensive consumer rewards program that allows snackers to register online and enter in codes from their products to obtain coupons for even more bakery snack food items.

Said Charles M. Brown, spokesman for Dolly Madison:

Dolly Madison is committed to the security of our customers’ personal information. We have promised our users discretion, and have redoubled our efforts to mitigate this vicious attack by hiring the world’s top IT security teams to take steps to not only improve our data security, but to identify the culprit or culprits. Working with our crack legal team, we are using DCMA takedowns to successfully remove all posts related to this incident throughout the internet.  We are now working with digital forensics and law enforcement to bring FoodNannyState69 to justice. Sweet, delicious cream-filled justice.

"Big Hacker" is watching you eat...

“Big Hacker” is watching you eat…

Hopefully, Gawker won’t get this database.  Those fuckers will publish anything…



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