Biden Thinks He’s Announcing Photon Torpedo Factory in Rochester


Vice President Joe Biden just finished up a speech in Rochester (Greece, NY, actually) announcing what he thinks is a photon torpedo factory.

At the request of a giddy,  snickering President Obama, Biden arrived in Rochester to announce a new photonics manufacturing center coming to the area.  The Photonics Manufacturing Institute will receive $110 million dollars in federal funding, and $250 million in state funds, in addition to millions in expected private funds.

Said the VP:

I’d like to thank Governor Cuomo for having me here today, and give a shout out to Senator Chuck Schumer and Congresswoman Louise Slaughter.  President Obama told me to come here and express my great enthusiasm for the announcement of the photon torpedo factory.  He even told me to wear my best Starfleet tunic here!

The development of the photon torpedo will represent a fundamental shift for not only our national defense, but for the manufacturing industry in America as whole.  The technology developed here will have near limitless practical applications in all areas of science and technology.

Imagine, a warp speed capable torpedo with a range of 300,000 miles with a yield of twenty-five isotons . With an advanced targeting system that will render our drones obsolete.  Rochester will become the anti-matter capital of the entire world!

A visibly shaken Andrew Cuomo struggled to applaud the VP’s speech.

Biden concluded:

To the great people of Rochester; to the great people of  New York State, I say this: Live long and prosper!

To the surprise of all present, Biden then dematerialized out of the press conference…


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